Since I started writing This Dissonant Princess, the dearth between the way that female protags are treated and the way that male protags are treated has been on my mind. I'm not quite sure how This Dissonant Princess will be received, but I do know that there is likely to be a double standard. The protagonist, Gemma Spelling, is not known for making excellent life choices. She makes several mistakes throughout the book, and is not always the most self-aware of young women. I hope that this resonates with other young women and people who were that young woman, but I'll have to wait and see.
What recently doubled my thoughts on this issue is something that happened to me just a few days ago. A self-proclaimed feminist man informed me that young women don't understand feminist theory and that my lived experience as a woman making me a higher authority on feminism than he is is, in fact, "a fallacy." I have been unable to wrap my mind around this interaction for days, largely because I can't escape the fact that this man, without a shred of irony, believes himself to be an authority on feminism. Meanwhile, I have been worried that my book about a girl won't be as well received, an actual experience that evidences the need for feminism. He did not think to question himself at all, and I have done nothing but question myself.
This particular man did not like the way that I reacted to his opinion. My reaction was an emotional reaction, a big reaction -- the exact kind of reaction that brands you as being a crazy little woman. I know that I am not universally likeable as a person, especially in regards to emotional regulation and the responses stressful situations (such as a man telling me that I, and other young women, do not understand feminism the way that he does). Emotional regulation and big reactions also happen to be a theme of This Dissonant Princess, which was complete, edited, and in my hand in proof form prior to my experience with this man. Prior to experiencing somebody belittling me for my position on feminism as a woman, I'd already written a book that follows a girl whose big reactions can make her unlikeable.
Interestingly enough, this experience I had solidified my belief in the need for Gemma Spelling's story. My worries about the reception of her big reactions and big emotions became so much more dear to me in the wake of having my own big reaction under stressful circumstances. We need more books about young women who are stupid and small in the eyes of grown men. Young women should handle their experience as women and girls in the fact that they deem appropriate, not by the standards of a man. Gemma Spelling approaches her trauma in her way, and it is trauma that is deeply rooted in being a young woman.
This way, if you believe the man I spoke with, is not in accordance with feminist theory.
Knowing he deeply disapproves of Gemma Spelling's approach to her womanhood has actually made me more confident in the need for her story. She would be belittled by grown men were she a real person, and she as a character would take this truth to reflect that the way that she is forging her path is the exact way that she should go.
In my worries and this recent conflict, I learned something from Gemma Spelling: the fact that this man was aghast at the idea that women's experiences meant more in regards to feminism than his study of outdated theory meant that I was behaving exactly the way I needed to.
In the name of Gemma Spelling, I hope you make a man mad today.
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